Birthday Month Update

It’s been fabulous! So far it has been a two-cake birthday, which is, in itself, pretty fabulous. On my birthday I managed to not leave the house (one of my favorite weekend activities — I know, I’m lame). Basically, I sat around enjoying my shiny new TV, spent some time with my friends in the computer, and received all sorts of phone calls from friends and family wishing me a happy day. It was lovely.
The rest of the month has also been great — I’ve gotten at least one birthday card each week, former co-workers gathered for a happy hour in my honor, current co-workers brought cards and cake to work, and would you believe that not a single person has been mean and nasty to me about my incessant “it’s my birthday month” reminders? (I am shocked, frankly)

Ready for a little non-birthday content? I’m gonna do a little whining, so get ready. Here goes.

Why do people think it’s ok to ask me when I’m going to get pregnant? I can understand it when friends ask about personal things, but when people that I barely know start asking about my plans for my uterus, my first response is stunned silence. If I wanted to talk to you about my sex life or my family planning, I probably would have brought it up! For some reason my 29th birthday seemed to be just the opening near strangers needed. First of all, why are people so concerned about whether or not I am planning to reproduce? Secondly, why do they bother me about it, while Mike’s 29th birthday came and went without any awkward procreation questions? After the second or third time the question came up I started getting mad about it. I’ve been spending some time coming up with smart ass answers to make the questioner squirm. Any suggestions?

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7 Responses to Birthday Month Update

  1. Johnny says:

    Yay for birthdays!

    I, also, like to spend my birthdays pretty much indoors or just hanging out with a select few people.

    On to business.

    As one of those, and quite possibly the most important, friends in the computer; I can totally empathize with your situation.

    Amanda and I have been dating for almost 4 years now, and we really don’t have any plans of ever having a litter of kidlets. But that sure doesn’t stop people from asking about it. Heck, we’re still dodging the whole “ZOMG WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET MARRIED!?” question.

    As for what to say to someone, I’ll tell you what I tell people that ask about the marriage thing; A simple math equation.

    ***MATH ALERT*** If the concept of variables and relations confuses and/or infuriates you, do not read on.

    First, you need 2 variables. To make it simple, we’ll call them X and Y. Let X represent the event in question, and let Y represent an increment of time. “Every time I hear something regarding X the time-relation of X will go up by Y. That might be a little nerdy for you, but you get the added bonus of the possibility that they won’t understand what in the heck you are talking about. Math never lies, but it sure can confuse. You could even make a bigger deal about it by using props while you explain this equation to your unwanted inquirers.

    ***DISCLAIMER*** I know I am an unknown quantity to most of you whom read this blog, but please remember these remarks are all made in a jovial context. :)

    Act all embarrassed, and whisper to the person who asked you, “… as soon as I figure out how.”

    If you want to be rude, “When I can be sure of doing a better job of teaching manners than your parents.”

    If you want to REALLY stop them talking about it… these next two would stop 90% of people dead in their tracks. “Just as soon as I can direct some sperm to my eggs. Trouble is, it just tastes too damn good.” “If you want to know how often we have sex, you can just ask. You don’t have to be coy about it.”

    You could also start acting weird… when someone asks you about it, start wringing your hands and say, “Errors have happened. Others will be blamed.” over and over and over again.

    I’m… all out for now. It’s late.

    Honestly though, the world would be a lot better of a place if people would just mind their own business. We have a girl at work who makes it her goal to worm her way into everyone’s personal lives…and now everyone hates her because she feels like she can comment on anything at any time. It’s disgusting.

    It’s almost 3 am, and this post has run horribly too long. Hope I helped some!

  2. Kim says:

    Heehee! You were moderated! Excellent suggestions, though. =) One of these days I really am going to start being mean.

    “it just tastes too damn good” omg. I’m going to be laughing about that all day now.

  3. Johnny says:

    Oh man, I got the mod hammer dropped on me. DON’T CENSOR ME! GOSH! Heh, glad you liked it though. 😉

  4. GTB says:

    Damn, that was going to be one of my suggestions too.

    Whenever my wife was asked that, she also used to say things like “I don’t know, I guess when we get tired of the whips and chains” or “Just as soon as my fertility potion fully ferments under a full moon, allowing the earth goddess to endow us with procreative magic”.

    My favorite, though, was one I used on an aunt-in-law, “Why, you looking to buy one? We can probably give you a deal since you are family, let’s say $25K?”

  5. GTB says:

    also, Happy Birthday. And Johnny is wrong, *I* am the most important in-the-computer voice.

  6. Kim says:

    Oh, I didn’t actually censor you, Johnny. You were just “held for moderation” due to your sexually explicit language. Since you aren’t a spammer, I allowed it. =)

  7. Johnny says:

    OH MAN, THAT IS THE GREATEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE! (Most people would have censored me)

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