Dear Person Who Left His/Her Camera on the Side of the Road Near My House,
I’m very sorry. I didn’t mean to hit it. Next time when you are considering where to drop your (hopefully not terribly) expensive electronic device, I would recommend leaving it on a road with a speed limit slower than 40 mph. You see, 40 mph is a little too fast to see something in the path of my tires, process that it isn’t a shadow or a dead squirrel and that it is in fact someone’s camera. By the time I realized what it was, my right front tire had already mashed it into teeny little pieces. I swear, I only nudged it. I really hope it was the old 35mm camera that you had been meaning to replace but you’ve just been too overwhelmed by the options available to finally go out and join the rest of us who can email our pictures to our friends and family.
And while I am truly sorry, I must say that it made a spectacular shower of little camera parts all over the road. Don’t worry, it didn’t hurt my car.